"C" is for Cookie Pr0n

So, as I sit here pondering how to actually put together an intelligent post regarding this subject, I realize simply cannot make this any more tragically funny then to just simply point you to the truth... While you're reading, I'll be plotting my escape.

Words absolutely fail. One has to wonder at what point the common citizenry begins to realize that the Republic is dying in plain sight. Perhaps we're just too gorged on cookies, pipe smoke and anger to pay much attention. Thank God there's someone to point out that the reason for my tendency towards pithiness can be traced back to Oscar the Grouch and save my children from exposure to such hideously dangerous things. Truth be told, when I caught the story out of the corner of my eye when it aired on WGN Morning News I was expecting to be told that the DVD's had simply been recalled because they contained lead. At some point, though, one has to wonder if the entire country of China is built upon lead deposits. Surely they must be running out of the stuff, for there's tons of it being imported in our toys! But I digress...

I really wonder, given all of these facts, how any of us survived our childhoods. I mean, what with all the toys we played with that had small parts, and our actually going outside to play with friends, like, at a park! In the dark! Christ, it's a wonder any of us survived.

But, thank God, the Government will save us from our horrible selves, because clearly children have absolutely no cognitive reasoning ability.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to picking a fight with my roommate while I smoke a pipe and gorge myself on cookies.